Don’t take the vampires to your company picnic

Don’t take the vampires to your company picnic.  It never fails, they’ll overcompensate for the immortality thing:  pouring drinks, passing out napkins, and slicing dessert.

Your coworkers might swoon at their etiquette, we all might.  But then your boss will bite into a brownie and the residual glitter will poke a million holes in her throat.  She’ll grab for her glass but gulp down more glitter.  You’ll go for the napkins and shred through her skin with the sparkly stuff.

Angela from accounting will be saying: get a load of this mess, who invited the fiberglass fairies?  Then, the vampires, having no use for insulation, will miss the sarcasm and turn your last chance of schmoozing for a raise into a debate about heating and cooling techniques for the undead.

Your casserole will go cold and nobody will eat it.  Not even Edward Cullen.